Cove Real Estate



Posted by Cove Real Estate on 10/6/2017

The last thing you want to admit is that your home has become a place of contention. When you recall that amazing day when you first cuddled your newborn child lovingly in your arms, it may startle you that your child and you argue daily now that your child has entered the teen years. Years ago, you swore this day would never come. You and your child’s relationship was going to be different, better than the relationship that you and your parents had.

Confronting the dilemma of growing teens and a shrinking house

The subject matter of your arguments with your teen also surprises you. Somehow the disagreements always swing around to space. There never seems to be enough space at your house anymore.

One of the quickest ways to start a heated disagreement is to cramp your teen’s space. And it’s not that teens need a lot of square footage. Teens demand privacy. It’s their way to gain independence. “Knock before you come into my bedroom;” “Don’t go near my journals” and “Stay out of my space” are common demands that teens make of parents.

Demanding that you steer clear and not encroach on their personal space isn’t the only way that teens can make your house feel far too small. To assert their independence, teens may leave dirty clothes piled in their bedroom.

As a child, they may have obeyed you and cleaned their room every weekend. Now, they treat their bedroom as if they built the room, as if they paid for the room. It’s away to let you know that you’re not calling the shots anymore. Your teen is becoming an adult. Problem is that she is becoming an adult under your roof.

Teens still need your support at home

To push you out, teens might spend hours on social media, watching TV or playing video games, all with their bedroom door closed, another “keep out” message sent to you. Much of this behavior is typical. Teens aren’t only entering adulthood. They are dealing with hormonal changes. They may feel uncertain and afraid, but they may not tell you, especially if they want to stand on their own.

This is a time when your house can feel tiny. You may wish that you had an in-law suite that you could move your teens into just so you don’t feel as if your teens are constantly angry with you. You and your teens will navigate this turbulent terrain, especially if you set clear boundaries when your children were young.

If your teens spend most of their time in their bedroom, check to see that they aren’t simply gazing out the window or lying in bed all day. If they are, consider seeking a professional’s counsel, as your child could be dealing with anxiety or depression.

Give your child space at home without removing yourself from your child’s life. Despite what teens say, they need you. Should you be years away from having teens in your home, make sure that you set clear boundaries. Also, create communication spaces in your home. The kitchen is a good spot. For generations families bonded around the kitchen table, and not just during holidays.

Back porch swings or a den are other places that make for great family bonding areas. On their roughest days, your teens may visit these areas of your home on their own. Pay attention. It could be a signal for you to come and talk with them.